small but significant

right now, i'm sipping one of my favorite hot teas, (http://www.yogiproducts.com/products/details/relaxed-mind/) and eating small bites @a time, of a blueberry scone. (http://www.immaculatebaking.com/product.php?id=24)

i'm sharing which brand link because you may want to know :) nothing else..

so, this is not about food or what to drink or eat. it's about a unique observation that took me a few days to *get*. i was cooking salmon and had a jar of stewed tomatoes open next to the sink. i was concerned about how long those tomatoes had been in the fridge. i was thinking out loud and thought to taste the juice. it was okay. no problem. minutes passed, and i turned quickly to get something and my elbow knocked the jar onto the wood floor. ahhh! funny, i just stood there. just waited. it's been a chaotic and frustrating season for me, and this was a word picture of my insides. they were coming out. they were tired of being inside. being kept in the fridge. (so to speak, obviously)

i started to clean up the mess, and wondered if i had just placed it somewhere else, or kept the jar sealed... etc... my mind was racing. simple thoughts, deep thinking.. yes. i do that. :)

i was on my knees. i was not frustrated. i had another can of tomatoes. i was hungry. i got busy. finished cleaning & cooking, then sat to eat. each bite was tasty, and i thought some more about my life season i was in, was facing. alone.

2 out of the 5 air units in the house were out. it is summer in texas. hot! then ironically, the water heater goes out a few days later. in the meantime, no washing machine. both are broken! but, i actually dig going to the laudromat. haha! :) many machines @once is awesome! quicker and you meet interesting people. that was significant for me. the idea of talking to adults during the day. face to face. i love that. being @home all day, not working outside of home, etc.. you get it.

i was finishing my last bite of salmon, and started to put the pieces together. my dot-to-dot of the small stuff going on in my life. the everyday things. life was happening, but it was *speaking* to my spirit.

my outside, physical going throughs have been parallel to the inside going throughs. i know, that sounds like it should always be that way. but, that's not the case for me. for many many years. for different reasons. too many to share, but this time...it was pretty much identical.

these things in my physical house were falling apart. you get the picture.

a lot of people have been through hell and back. literally. this was truly 'nothing', comparatively, but it went deeper. to my core. my spirit, my soul, my mind, all the insides, were falling apart and coming out.

all the while, i was looking outward @the clouds, sunsets/sunrises, trees, moon, sky.... the most beautiful creations! i love them all. oh, and food, too. :)

it took my eyes off of the broken, the problems, the great concerns. just a few examples....my son and his learning disabilities, my marriage, my health, my daughter less than 3 years of being an adult, a toddler that communicates like a monkey @times!! hehe. i am grateful for humor. that is the key to my sanity. ha! no, really.

now, i wanted to clarify... the tomato mess, reminded me of how many times i don't reach out to seek help or keep things nestled deep inside my soul. i felt freer. weird. but true. after i spilled the jar, i saw that 'someone' was cleaning it up w/me. others that love me. god, especially.

and for the other broken things, i have to call for help. call for assistance. those that are experts or at least know how to fix these items. to make it better for me. for my family. for my *home*.

i'm done eating my scone and sipping my tea now. i think i'll go chase the sweet summer sunset w/my monkeys. i mean, amazing, unique sons. love and thanks, lis